5:00 am:  first mission: getting out of the house

Trying to navigate the house in the dark while half asleep is a stealth mission. Have you ever encountered the species of Wifey that exists at 5 am? It’s a cross between the exorcist and one of those raging bulls at the rodeo. Avoid waking at all costs! 

To make his morning routine fun, Wifey’s set up an obstacle course for Tradie. Yesterday she rearranged the entire house, and the situation’s harder to navigate than a Spartan mud run. Plus, the kids have strategically placed LEGO pieces in the hallway…think torturous pain with each misstep. Three smashed toes and a twisted ankle later, Tradie makes it safely to the kitchen. 

Now, where are the bloody keys? Wifey can be a tad OCD at times and tends to organise everything in a chronological, alphabetical, mythological way. Today there’s nothing logical about where the effing keys have been moved to. Why can’t they just live on the hall table?

Tradie cautiously wakes Wifey, gets his ear chewed off, promptly exits the room, locates his keys, and leaves home for the day. It’s dark outside, and he knows for sure it’ll be dark again by the time he returns.

5:30 am: meet at the factory

Damo and Benny enjoy their traditional nutritious breakfast (Mrs. Mac’s sausage roll and Coke). The new apprentice is late. Again. He’ll have to make his way to the site, as there’s no time to waste today. 

Nobody’s loading the truck. Tradie asks himself why he’s paying wages to these lazy bastards and loads the truck himself.

8:00 am: Tradie gets on the tools

The team’s hard at work, and typically Tradie would be ordering materials, organising tool repairs, talking to site managers about future jobs, and chasing leads. But today Tradie has a deadline, and he’s behind, so he needs to get on the tools. 

But first, he needs to find his tools…anyone who knows a tradie knows how meticulous they are about their tools. They are not to be borrowed. Ever. Tradie grabs his drill only to see some bugger’s borrowed his drill bit and hasn’t returned it. 

Cue a few 15-minute rant about tool etiquette.

8:45 am: screw up #1

Benny points out a mistake in the work and remarks, “the painter will fix it.” Cue another 15-minute speech about workmanship and how they will not eat tonight unless everything’s Al. 

Tradie makes a mental note that he’d probably make more money working by himself.

9:00 am: smoko 

Tradie grabs his thermos out of his truck in an attempt to get warm. He’s been waiting for this coffee for a couple of hours now. He takes a swig, realising Benny the prankster has cunningly snuck salt into his thermos. 

Tradie returns a call to his brother and informs him that he doesn’t have time to work at his house for mate’s rates. Heck, Tradie’s wife’s already pissed about the growing list of house repairs she’s been waiting on for months. 

Tradie returns a call to Sally who left a voicemail requesting a quote. She tells Tradie the “handyman” on Airtasker has made her an offer at half the price Tradie is quoting. Tradie wishes her well and tells her he’ll be expecting a call next week after Mr. Unqualified creates a scene of mass destruction on her house.

10:00 am: the lost apprentice

The apprentice is wandering around looking lost and getting in the way, so Tradie sends him off to Bunnings to buy a tin of striped paint and left-handed screwdrivers. That’ll keep him busy and out of everyone’s hair for a while. 

10:15 am: screw up #2

Benny informs Tradie the order for materials has come in incorrectly. Time to jump off the tools and put his boss hat back on. The guys can’t do their job, on time, without the correct materials. Now in damage control, Tradie orders new materials and agrees to the extra surcharge for delivery.

Tradie makes a mental note that this job has crept out of scope. He does some rough numbers in his head and realises that it may actually be running at a loss.

Tradie’s been so busy trying to get the job done that he hasn’t had time to track expenses properly. In fact, he isn’t even sure he has kept a good record of all the variations.

Hopefully, his trusty tattered notepad in the truck (covered in coffee and tomato sauce) will have some magical variations to pull this job out of a loss.

11:00 am: keep on keeping on

Tradie’s back on the tools again, listening to the acoustics of Triple M on the Makita radio, while Benny whistles a tune he only knows two lines of.

Again, Tradie’s mind starts to wander. What if they don’t pull off this job on time? What if they pull off the job, only to get to the end and realise it ran at a loss? Where is the next big job coming from? What will happen if this mob takes more than 30 days to pay and strings it out to 90 days like the last one? Will cashflow survive? 

Tradie feels the weight of his employees’ families, like extended members of his own family that he’s obligated to support. He thinks of his wife, the gal who has supported him through this journey of running a small family business…the one who’s held the fort at home with the kids when he’s had to work every weekend for months at a time… 

The wife who is the only one to know when things have become really tough…SHIT, it’s their 15th anniversary today! Tradie’s been so focused on making handover that he’s forgotten their anniversary. Again. 

11:45 am: damage control

Tradie calls the florist to order a flower delivery, pronto. He has no idea what an “extravaganza bouquet” is, but he decides to run with it. Tradie tries not to choke when he realises the extravaganza bouquet comes with an extravagant price tag and a priority, same-day delivery fee.

12:00 pm: white lies

Tradie calls Wifey and pretends he didn’t forget their anniversary; he was just trying to be considerate by not disturbing her during her morning rush. Wifey secretly knows he forgot, but it’s ok because she forgot too – she just won’t tell him that.

2:00 pm: the dreaded phone call

Tradie’s phone rings; it’s an urgent job that needs to be done this weekend. Tradie knows he promised Max he’ll be at his football game, but he also knows that this job could be the ticket to getting the next big job. 

 The new site manager of this mob is a total ball-breaker, and Tradie’s been kissing his ass for months to get the contract. 

 Tradie agrees to take on the job and starts working out how he will explain this to little Maxy.

5:00 pm: home sweet home

Tradie arrives home. The first thing he notices is his lawn. 

Second to having impeccable tools is having a well-kept lawn. But Tradie doesn’t have a well-kept lawn at the moment. No, he has a jungle, and he knows that Bob up the road is no doubt enjoying his beer and making comments about Tradie’s “Houso” house. 

Tradie makes his way inside and is greeted at the door by an excited Max, flashing his new merit certificate from today’s assembly. Tradie shoots Wifey an exhausted look that tells her he made the handover deadline and then sits with Max to talk about his day before grabbing a quick 15-minute kip.